quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
