Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
