He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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