do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
