found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I party with great urgency now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
