does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
