i just wanna soil my oats bro
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
