also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
