Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
