Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
