Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
