You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
