Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I believe in your delicious
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
