just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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