If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dear god my vagina.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
