K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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