Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want to make out with him forever
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
