Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
