Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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