I cockslap morals
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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