my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
