This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
