I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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