Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
