It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
