You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Randomize
