you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
