If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
