We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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