One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
