Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
