she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
