whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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