Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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