I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
