the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
