Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
