If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
