I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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