It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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