her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
