I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
