Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
