I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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