PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
