Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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