it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
