she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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