The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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