there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
