she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
