Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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