Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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