I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
