can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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